Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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