I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
