my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
