It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
