My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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