I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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