I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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