my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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