My nipple is on Facebook.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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