i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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