You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize