I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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