I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
