Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
