he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
