oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
