its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
