yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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