normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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