When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
