You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
