Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
