I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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