At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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