There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
