my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can't turn off my feet"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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