just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
