Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize