another moral hangover. fuck.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
