that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
