sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
