Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
