Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
