There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
