My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
