Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
