Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
