I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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