i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
