i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
