didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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