My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
