EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
