the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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