he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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