hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
