i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
