I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dicks are not precious.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
