So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
