I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
