i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Terrible idea I love it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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