Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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