Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
