i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
