I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
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