can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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