I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So vagazzling was a success
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
