Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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