you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
