My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
