i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
