We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
