Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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