you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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