She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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