I'm lost and stupid without you.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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