i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
