I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
