I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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