when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
