Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
