Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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