If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
