Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
