just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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