There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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