Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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