There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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