I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
