I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
