if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
