Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
