this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize