don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
