I want you more than these girls want KFC
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
