But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
