Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
