I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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