i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
