I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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