video games are the ultimate cock blocker
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize