I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
