no, he came in my armpit
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
