I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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