that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
