peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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