I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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