Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
