the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
