If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
