I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
