At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
