drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
