I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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