my sisters under your porch take her home
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
