life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
