your parents love me but you hate me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
