You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
try to milk me bitch
Randomize