if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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